I was freezing throughout the whole thing, stupid welsh weather. No heating would work.

But it was a great session, talking through my new view of ritual connected to data and digital rituals. Connection and disconnection.

We spoke through my making of mechanical gut, questioning its name, origin, materials. Whether there’s something better to use, whether the idea can draw in closer to ‘listening to the body’ rather than just focus on the digital llm aspect. Am I using sound? Could it be an overkill of overwhelm from digital noises, and then headphones block it out with heartbeats, guttural sounds, cracks of the neck.

Jonathan asked about my clay sculpture attached to the phone. ‘Doomscroll’. I noticed myself go in because I’ve never used clay before. Play it down. But he found the form and the wire cutting into it intriguing and unexpected. Unexpected comparatively to the form of the gut. I think I’m getting better at allowing form to not speak out so clearly. Something I researched in my paper. It’s a habitual thing I learnt when creating work for the masses. Everyone has to understand what this means. I’m starting the learn the difference between something that dictates its meaning and something that suggests. I’m going back to my 15 year old self who would allow meaning to unfold, and unlearning the lessons from my professional life.

We spoke about taking it off the wall, having it on the floor? I also talked about my style being quite all over the place and how that sometimes worries me. But mentioned wanting to digitally illustrate more and maybe thats where I put work into finding a cohesive style. I want to allow myself to have multiple, to truly explore. I’ve been to many exhibitions where I’ve enjoyed the breadth of ways they have used different materials. Jonathan mentioned that my detachment from specific materials may be an asset, something I’ve learnt through advertising and getting the idea across being the main thing.

And I also think that when looking at others work I make patterns myself, linking their works together even though they’re quite distinct from one another.

We talked about a piece a past student had created, where you sat in a booth and spoke to an earlier version of chat GPT, people constantly finding patterns in what the llm was saying to them, even though those realities don’t actually exist. Is there something to do with perception I could be playing with?

My focus over the next few months is this

Finishing DoomScroll

Recording ‘Take your fear outside’

Looking for open calls

Finding a cohesive digital illustration style

Continue drawing practice

Find a way to keep my imposter syndrome monster at bay