I’m interested in the fact, that I have a habit. One I’ve only realised in this process. I have to create ‘bad’ in order to create ‘good’. Such subjective words. But I know what I mean.

A ‘bad’ painting needs to escape from me before I feel like I can create something that I know comes from somewhere intuitive. Somewhere real.

I had to create a ‘bad’ version of my pieces for the interim show, before the true pieces began to blossom. Some might say these pieces are practice, or speculative. But I feel like they’re the innocence in me creating and then adult in me taking over for the final pieces.

The innocent ability to run free, create and not care about craft or perception from others, like once I have done that, once I have satifisfied the child within, I feel free to taken over as its mother and create the true piece, or the piece that has the soul.

When I learnt to drive, I wasn’t perfect ever. I would change gears in the wrong way, or not follow the rules of a practical test. I was safe, but I never drove ‘as you should’ until the day of the test when I did it to perfection. This isn’t a concious choice, but one I’ve noticed in myself. Learned helplessness? (I sometimes wonder if having such a healthy relationship with my father has blunted the switch that makes me push through immediately, I always had someone who wanted to take over if I found something difficult… when my mother took over I felt stupid, as she is a woman and therefore I should be able to do it too, when my dad took over, I felt looked after. God love internalised sexism). Energy perservation knowing my energy is limited? I’ve learnt over time that my energy isn’t like most other peoples, so I NEED to know something is worth it before I do it. I don’t know why this happens. But it happens to me within life and art.

Here are my final pieces for the Interim Show (potentially creating a fourth)