TODAYS LECTURE NOTES

Today we got into threes and work in a triad to ask each other open ended questions about our practice with the view to get in touch with our in-ate teacher within.

What I discovered

I definitely want to change my study statement to a broader subject of psychological archetypes specifically fairytales, using this symbolism in my pieces. I also want to be more intuitive in my practice, allow it to flow out of me rather than plan.

I acknowledged the resistance I have when painting, how this is actually expanding me, as I’m having to push through when my pieces feel ‘ugly’ or ‘wrong’. Having to accept imperfection and enjoy the process rather than focusing on outcome, which to me is a spiritual practice.

When talking to my peers I discovered others were battling with their egos also, the idea of ‘success’ and what that looks like to us. Worries around success and how we sometimes allow our plans for our work to change to fit into this ‘success’ ideal.

I found asking open ended questions quite hard, especially when I wanted to know something for myself rather than to help someone to discover themselves. If there was a topic that I myself loved the idea of, I would want definitive answers and had to stop myself from indulging my own needs.

I feel slightly worried about the fact I am already thinking of changing my study statement seeing as I submitted it yesterday but believe it’s more important to listen to that, rather than pretend I am happy with it as it currently stands.

PREFACE– MY HEALTH CURRENTLY

I’m struggling this week already, mainly physically which often turns to mentally. I’ve only just woken up at 11:02 today, as my body was too exhausted to move any earlier.

Yesterday was a bad Crohns day which is probably why I am so tired today. It makes everything I create feel stagnant, feel worthless and like there’s nothing I can so to make it better.

Documenting this here may help my future practice. When my body starts to go down hill, even if for a little while, does it effect how I see my work? I know that it effect how I see my surroundings and life, so it would be interesting to me how it effects my process not just physically but mentally.

The best way i can describe it, is that I have a limited amount of perseverance which when I am feeling unwell is used on my body and getting myself up to do day to day things. Mentally I can’t find the motivation or muster up the awe and joy that is need to persevere through artwork.

I do however, wonder if persevering MAINLY through my craft or my art may actually be the answer. Instead of trying to make sure all the basics of life are taken care of, if my focus was on my art, on being in flow, would that take me out of the health issue quicker?

INPUT:

Songs I’m listening to today: PATTERNS IN REPEAT- LAURA MARLING

Lyrics I’ve been focusing on

Keep an eye out for his pickup
I know all about it
I would take a gun out
Put some poison in his salad

And it wouldn’t be so bad
It wouldn’t hurt the world
Look what you did
You’ll make a killer of a Jewish girl

And he did it to a lady
Oh, you have a family
How does someone end up
With a stone in a chest cavity?

It wouldn’t be so bad
It wouldn’t hurt the world
Look what you did
Now in my sleep I am a murderer

It doesn’t happen to women I know
I put it in a box in a TV show
It doesn’t happen to women I know
God, tell me why did he hurt my girl?

And she took him to the courthouse
And somehow he got off
Then I saw him laughing with his lawyer
In the parking lot

It wouldn’t be so bad
It wouldn’t hurt like this
Look what you did
You’ll make a killer of a pacifist

It doesn’t happen to women I know
I put it in a box in a TV show
It doesn’t happen to women I know
God, tell me why did he hurt my girl?

Gonna get big, gonna get big, I’m so scary
I can’t stop having visions of following him
Gonna make it hurt, gonna make it hurt
But I don’t know how to do that within the framework
‘Cause we were never violent, oh

Gonna get big, gonna get big, I’m so scary
I can’t stop having visions of following him
Gonna make it hurt, gonna make it hurt
But I don’t know how to do that within the framework
‘Cause we were never violent

Gonna get big, gonna get big, I’m so scary
I can’t stop having visions of following him
Gonna make it hurt, gonna make it hurt
But I don’t know how to do that within the framework

‘Cause we were never violent
‘Cause we were never violent
‘Cause we were never violent

Film I’m watching: BIRD- Andrea Arnold

Still watching this, yesterday was a blur of painting and naps.

Books I’m reading: THE FEMININE IN FAIRYTALES

Printed this off to read and highlight, will probably be reading for a while. Was discussing with someone today how alot of the reference material for my actual artwork is archaic, and I need to find more recent artists who’ve taken a similar approach and modernised it.

Song I’m learning on guitar

Needed to change it up today, needed to focus on things other than painting.

OUTPUT:

Three Pages:

PHOTOGRAPHY FROM WALK

Today on my walk I looked more for buildings that remind me of fairytales. The place I’m living lends itself to inspiration for old english fairytale illustrations.

CURRENT PIECE

Didn’t do any work on a piece today. Needed to focus on the lecture I had and writing.

NEXT PIECE INSPIRATION

Moodboard of these symbols

Along with the works of Hilma Klint and taking inspiration from the Voynich Manuscript visually, I want to use symbolism from books such as ‘Women who run with wolves’ and the most recent text I’ve read ‘addiction to perfection’.

KEY SYMBOLS

1. The Demon Lover – Represents the inner critic, toxic perfectionism, and the pursuit of an unattainable ideal.

Healing: Recognizing its false promises and embracing imperfection.

The Demon Lover

Arthur Hughes

Rama Spurns the Demon Lover

(‘Rama Spurns the Demon Lover’, 1913. )

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Warwick Goble

2. The Body (The Starving Body) – Symbolizes disconnection between body and soul, manifesting in eating disorders or numbness. Healing: Reconnecting with the body’s wisdom.

3. The Hollow Woman – A woman who has lost connection to her soul and intuition in pursuit of perfection.

Healing: Reclaiming inner life and embracing imperfection.

4. The Wise Old Woman (Crone) – Represents deep feminine wisdom that comes from accepting life’s imperfections.

Healing: Learning self-trust and intuition.

Crones. © Asma Istwani

Old Woman Seen from Behind,
by Vincent van Gogh.

5. The Clockwise Spiral – Symbolizes external growth, structure, and order. Potential danger: Leading to burnout if disconnected from inner self.

6. The Counterclockwise Spiral – Represents deep inner transformation, dismantling old identities for rebirth.

7. The Chrysalis / Butterfly – Transformation from suffering to wholeness, requiring patience and surrender.

Maria Sibylla Merian, 1679

8. The Snake – Represents the body’s wisdom and feminine instinct, urging trust in intuition.

9. The Moon – A feminine symbol of intuition, cycles, and accepting change.

10. The Ocean / Water – Represents deep emotions, surrender, and the unconscious.

11. The Dark Night of the Soul – The necessary crisis before transformation, requiring faith in the process.

12. The Black Madonna – Symbolizes the rejected deep feminine power, intuition, and sensuality.

13. Fire – Represents purification, destruction, and transformation of false perfectionist ideals.

14. The Womb – A sacred space for inner gestation, emphasizing patience before external action.

15. The Golden Shadow – Represents repressed positive traits such as joy, creativity, and spontaneity.

16. The Voice of the Soul – The inner truth often suppressed in perfectionism.

SYMBOLS WITHIN THE TALES

1. The Handless Maiden – Represents a woman’s loss of power due to external control, requiring reclaiming her soul.

Celeste Woods

2. The Fisher King Wound – A culture’s loss of the sacred feminine, needing restoration of balance.

3. The Bridegroom Who Would Not Eat – Represents the starving soul in perfectionism, urging self-nourishment.

4. Bluebeard – Symbolizes the destructive Demon Lover who kills women’s creativity, requiring rejection of perfectionism.

Bluebeard illustration by Guillon for an edition of the tales by Charles Perrault published in Paris in the late 19th century

5. Lady Macbeth– Used to discuss the destructive pursuit of power and perfection. She interprets Lady Macbeths actions as embodying negative aspects of the feminine psyche when it is disconnected from it’s nurturing qualities

Ellen Terry as Lady Macbeth

1889, John Singer Sargent

Each symbol represents a step in the journey from perfectionism to wholeness, urging the balance of feminine wisdom
with external achievement.