Shame is sharp, and my skin gives so easy
Only God knows, only God would believe
That I was an angel, but they made me leave
They made me leave

Note on todays mood: I’ve been feeling stagnant and also lonely. Pressure maybe. Pressure to get it right, pressure to keep going. I don’t know. It’s been a strange feeling.

INPUT:

Songs I’m listening to today: PUNISH- Ethel Cain

PUNISH- ETHEL CAIN

Whatever’s wrong with me
I will take to bed
I give in so easy
Nature chews on me

Little death like lead
Poisonous and heavy
It has always been this way
Mm, it has always been this way

I am punished by love
I am punished by love

In the morning I will mar myself again
He was a natural Plauché, saying “You won’t forget this”
Shame is sharp, and my skin gives so easy
Only God knows, only God would believe
That I was an angel, but they made me leave
They made me leave

I am punished by love
I am punished by love
I am punished by love
I am punished by love

Film I’m watching: QUEER-  LUCA GUADAGNINO

Didn’t get to finish this today as I started to feel very tired.

Books I’m reading: Addiction to Perfection- Marion Woodman

Song I’m learning on guitar

Trying a new one with a slightly harder strumming pattern

What I’m Knitting

OUTPUT:

Three Pages:

POETRY:

PHOTOGRAPHY FROM WALK

Walks are becoming scarce, I’m focusing too much on my art and not enough on life. I will walk tomorrow

CURRENT PIECE

Drawing a rough outline of the composition in watercolour pencil. None of it feels right yet. But I’m going to keep going tomorrow and see what happens. I think I’m trying to rush the outlines because I want to get painting so I need to slow down and take my time. I also need to (very clearly) tidy my space.

I think doing some more moodboards and research on the symbolism I know I want to use will help.

NEXT PIECE INSPIRATION

Moodboard of these symbols

Along with the works of Hilma Klint and taking inspiration from the Voynich Manuscript visually, I want to use symbolism from books such as ‘Women who run with wolves’ and the most recent text I’ve read ‘addiction to perfection’.

KEY SYMBOLS

1. The Demon Lover – Represents the inner critic, toxic perfectionism, and the pursuit of an unattainable ideal.

Healing: Recognizing its false promises and embracing imperfection.

2. The Body (The Starving Body) – Symbolizes disconnection between body and soul, manifesting in eating disorders

or numbness. Healing: Reconnecting with the body’s wisdom.

3. The Hollow Woman – A woman who has lost connection to her soul and intuition in pursuit of perfection.

Healing: Reclaiming inner life and embracing imperfection.

4. The Wise Old Woman (Crone) – Represents deep feminine wisdom that comes from accepting life’s imperfections.

Healing: Learning self-trust and intuition.

5. The Clockwise Spiral – Symbolizes external growth, structure, and order. Potential danger: Leading to burnout

if disconnected from inner self.

6. The Counterclockwise Spiral – Represents deep inner transformation, dismantling old identities for rebirth.

7. The Chrysalis / Butterfly – Transformation from suffering to wholeness, requiring patience and surrender.

8. The Snake – Represents the body’s wisdom and feminine instinct, urging trust in intuition.

9. The Moon – A feminine symbol of intuition, cycles, and accepting change.

10. The Ocean / Water – Represents deep emotions, surrender, and the unconscious.

11. The Dark Night of the Soul – The necessary crisis before transformation, requiring faith in the process.

12. The Black Madonna – Symbolizes the rejected deep feminine power, intuition, and sensuality.

13. Fire – Represents purification, destruction, and transformation of false perfectionist ideals.

14. The Womb – A sacred space for inner gestation, emphasizing patience before external action.

15. The Golden Shadow – Represents repressed positive traits such as joy, creativity, and spontaneity.

16. The Voice of the Soul – The inner truth often suppressed in perfectionism.

SYMBOLS WITHIN THE TALES

1. The Handless Maiden – Represents a woman’s loss of power due to external control, requiring reclaiming her soul.

2. The Fisher King Wound – A culture’s loss of the sacred feminine, needing restoration of balance.

3. The Bridegroom Who Would Not Eat – Represents the starving soul in perfectionism, urging self-nourishment.

4. Bluebeard – Symbolizes the destructive Demon Lover who kills women’s creativity, requiring rejection of

perfectionism.

Each symbol represents a step in the journey from perfectionism to wholeness, urging the balance of feminine wisdom
with external achievement.