I do think this is a turning point in my practice, realising I’m doing all the work but just hoarding it for myself or not even thinking of it as ‘work’. I’m not giving myself the credit needed for it to be uploaded here. A mixture of perfectionism, not believing in myself and my memory issues meaning I don’t really always remember what I have an haven’t done.

I noticed my memory getting in the way slightly during the session, not remembering what I had and hadn’t done, had and hadn’t read. My refusal to acknowledge my memory is weak from the lack of nutrition/ pain medication I’m on can sometimes hinder me from realising that what I have in my brain isn’t always true to reality. I can think I’ve done nothing, haven’t been pro active or not really remember specifics of things I’ve read or studied. I don’t want to be a ‘tragic artist’, I don’t want to be an artist that creates solely about pain, but I still have to acknowledge my limitations even if I don’t want to ultimately romanticise them as if they are part of my creative brand.

The plan from now on is to upload the journaling I do every morning, I’ll block out any parts that I don’t feel I want to share with the world. The writing was originally supposed to be completely private with no audience and although that won’t be the case any more, it’s been over a year of writing those three pages every morning. I think it won’t harm me to start sharing it in this capacity.

I’m also going to start writing a poem a day and creating one piece of art a day. Potentially creating ephemeral art on my walks as well. Basically just integrate my art practice into my daily routine. I’m going to write it on my typewriter. I’ve written my three pages this morning already and I’ll share that in a different blog post. Along with my current art process and thoughts.

I need to think of an image that will fit on the main page as the ‘featured image’. lack of featured image drives me insane. I know that’s highly picking of me. But I need it to have imagery on the main page.